calling all deli-philes!

perhaps one of the only things you can't find in bangkok is a deli; not just a sandwich shop, a real kosher delicatessen. oh, the ryes, the pastrami, the hamantashen, the rugelach - it leaves me wishing i had a bubbe.

so, i am a woman on a quest. a quest to make my own deli food:
1. make pickles,
2. bake an artisanal rye,
3. grind mustard,
4. cure and smoke my own pastrami,
5. and in un-deli-like form, bake a red velvet cake. what? i like red velvet cake.

i'm posting this for accountability. my current progress:
1. jarred spicy garlic, dill pickles. recipe.2. rye bread. first bake, disaster: dough was too wet. second bake, second disaster: the loaf rose out, not up. now i'm working on a rye sourdough starter. i may just have to buy the dumb loaf.

the hardest part will be curing and smoking the pastrami. anybody have any advice on building your own meat smoker? i have all the necessary curing ingredients (sodium nitrite is impossible to find in thailand!) and am trying to figure out how i can put together a smoker.
man, i hope this works out. i'm like a meshugeneh here.