resistance is futile

i've been reading matthew lately and it's been convicting in a new way for me, especially chapter 5. partially because submitting and the lack of resistance is a lesson god's teaching me and because i can see now that all the submitting i've done in the past has been tinged with bitterness. a sense of 'ought' was the motivation rather than love, which sounds obvious, but for some reason eluded me all these years.

this past weekend, our house church leaders went to a marriage seminar and we watched their kids for a couple days. their 1.5 yr-old son, sandee, is like one of those squishy balls, but with a skeleton inside. and it's the ever-ready conversation topic to talk about how cute he is. "did you see when sandee peed? it was SOOOOO cute." sanrak, their 3 yr-old daughter, has an iron will and her long, curly eyelashes bat away any hint of enduring frustration.

that was before they stayed with us. my first day's thought: "oh my god. i could never be a mother. i would die of bitterness." being up all night with a baby in breastmilk withdrawal and a fevered toddler, having little contact with the outside world, trying to make resistant children eat, and, oh, the cleaning - the cleaning! all you mothers out there are scoffing with seasoned disdain for my short foray into childrearing.

the second day, the initial shock of instant motherhood wore off and it started feeling a little more normal, or perhaps it was that i stopped resisting the inevitability of chaos and just enjoyed them. and really, the two kids are so good and lovable. of course i'll go to sleep early so you won't wake up alone in the dark! of course i'll pick up your catapulted and rejected rice!

and picking up their parents from the seminar and seeing how good it was for their marriage made me so happy. love, not just in charitable deed, but in real affection has a charming way of acting without weighing the costs. i think i like this love bizniz.
sandee, a year ago. look at those eyes. **your wish is my command...**